Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
