you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
