just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
