i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
