i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My liver just had a heart attack.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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