I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
