I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize