It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
