You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
