Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
