Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
