I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
