highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
