My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
