I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
