so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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