Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
