i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
