So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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