Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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