a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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