Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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