my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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