Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
