Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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