margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
