the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
