she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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