If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
