When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
