Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
