I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
