Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
sex in a hospital.. check
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
