You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
