Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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