I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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