do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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