I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
