Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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