I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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