Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
