Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize