did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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