New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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