nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
