it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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