she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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