KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
