just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
