Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
