oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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